So I'm trying this new adventurous thing out... I believe you people call it exercise??
I realize bikes have gears and different speeds but as soon as I force myself on that death trap, all I can think about is, "Hmm, which gear do I want to use to torture myself today?" I don't see speeds 1 - 21. I really don't. All I see is 5 -- for serious body burning sensations, 10 -- just kill me now, 15 -- this damn bike seat REALLY hurts my vagina, to 21 -- straight up death. DEATH, I tell you.
Anyway, searched high and low for a great bike that's affordable. N and I went to a few bike shops where they were charging prices anywhere from $409 (being the "cheapest"...?!) to $3500. Having to sell a few of my organs on CraigsList seems a little extreme to pay for a bike. No, thanks, SPOKES. I'll go elsewhere... Off to Wal-Mart we went and found a few I was interested in. Of course, I had extremely important variables when looking for a bike. First one being, COLOR. A pretty one at that. Okay, I admit, that was basically my only requirement. This one definitely fit the bill (c'mon, it's PURPLE! Had it been turquoise, I would have considered pawning off a purse) and after paying my left lung for it, I rode out into the dimly lit sKreetz of Wal-Mart's parking lot and had a couple of haterZ. I know my ride is tight. No need to be jealous...
N installed a water bottle holder as soon as we got home for our first ride. Howevah (said like Lil' Mama from ABDC), I am still trying to convince him I neeeeeed a few things before my bike is complete. 1.) A basket. I mean, what else am I supposed to stick my freaking snacks in? HELLO! N doesn't seem to think this is necessary but I think Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream chips are absolutely VITAL to my life during bike rides. 2.) A helmet. I am accident prone. N won't let me ride my full face Shoei for bicycle rides. 3.) A night light to attach to the front of my bike. N and I get home late from work so by the time we're ready to ride, it's evening and now that summer is almost dunzo (I know, depressing), the sun sets faster than we anticipate. Riding your bike in pitch black darkness and dim streetlights isn't the most ideal. Actually, I have a new NUMBER ONE NEED – a new effing bike SEAT! The one on there is NOT comfortable in ANY way, shape or form. UGH. Anything else you think I may need? Let me know in the comments, pReeze!
Oh yeah, so N and I rode about 2 miles yesterday for a quick ride around 9PM after the rain let up. I am straight struggling to get up this stupid ass hill (shut up, you really take these hills for granted while driving in a car) and some kids in a truck drive by and yell some nonsense out the window. Umm…?! Whatever. We get to the end of our trail and turn around. The truck does a u-turn in order to pass us again and yells in our direction, "NICE MUSCLE SHIRT, DUDE!" I'm all, Aww! Thanks! As I look down at my shirt. I’m wearing this really cute black t-shirt with green headphones on the front... and they don’t really show my muscles, wait… so who could they be talking to… Oh, yeah. N! Him. They did one more u-turn but it was dark outside and of course N and I are wearing all black (now that I think about it; who does that? We’re just asking to be hit by a car.) while riding at night, so they probably couldn’t see us on the trail. People have no lives. Can I just struggle up this hill in PEACE without having to hear any of your nonsense? KIDS.
By the way, N is really encouraging. He’ll ride next to me and say, “You’re doing great, Love!” or “Keep it up!” or my personal favorite, “BABE! DON’T STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF GOING UP A HILL!” Meanwhile, I’m screaming and cursing out in pain, while he’s trying to keep me in positive spirits. Him: “Keep peddling, Baby. Try not to stop while going up a hill. You’ll lose stamina.” Me: “STFU, I’LL STOP PEDDLING IF I WANT TO. OWWW. MY EFFING LEGS ARE BURNING OFF.” After that, I usually threaten to jump off the bike, throw it in the street, happily watch it get ran over by a truck and hail a cab to get home. Maybe those kids in the truck would like to volunteer to smash my bike into tiny, shiny, purple pieces. Or maybe one day, when I build up my stamina, I’ll be able to thank him for being so encouraging, instead of cussing his happy ass the eff out...
