Tigger Dances Better Than Me.

I must say. I am jelly.

Adventures with the Office Stripper

As most of the ladies know, we have an office stripper. No idea, how she weaseled her way into the government---but she probably offered free personal shows during lunch breaks and during "meetings outside the building".

Maybe she is trying to start her life over or what not, but I really don't understand how someone grew up in the 20th century going to high school and is currently attending college without knowing how to use the computer. I guess administrative assistants these days are only required to know how to show up to work and sit there and look pretty.

So yesterday, the office stripper decided to show up to work and actually do some work. Barging into my office, she snapped her fingers and wondered if I could read minds and compensate for her lack of. She said she lost the phone number to a Cindy that my office mate had provided her.

Our Convo:

Stripper: "Do you have Cindy's number? I had it on a piece of paper but lost it."

Me: "I don't really know which Cindy you are talking about and I don't know what you are working on to even try to direct you to a specific program area. What's Cindy's last name? If you happen to know it, you can look her up in the global address book. "

Stripper: "Oh, I don't know Cindy's last name... I was just hoping you would happen to know which Cindy that Crystal was talking about."

Me: "What were you working on again? "

Stripper: "I think it's a claim for reimbursement. I'm not really sure."

Me: "Generally, if it is a claim for reimbursement, you pull the accounting code for it if it is coming from our division. Crystal is in a meeting right now, she will be back in about 20 minutes. You can ask her then because I have no idea how I could help you if you don't know Cindy's last name."

The stripper tries to make herself look cute and walks out of my office without saying thanks or bye.

***NOTE TO STRIPPER: I'M NOT A MAN NOR DO I SWAY TOWARDS WOMEN; LEARN THAT YOUR TRASHY LOOKS DON'T APPEASE EVERYONE. .

Oh yeah, haha.... WELCOME TO MY LIFE.

Bridal Shower.

My bridal shower is tomorrow :) I'm pretty eggcited for it! Especially after chatting with one of my girls about it:

Sofia: So random but we got our outfits for Saturday yesterday!
Gina: what outfits
Sofia: Oh you don’t know?
Sofia: They emailed us saying we have to wear blue
So tina and I are dressing up like smurfs
Is that ok?

Buckets.

My iPhone lights up and my Mom's name is blazing across the screen in bright, white letters. As I hesitate and dance to my ring tone before picking up, I'm already knowing this call will be interesting.

G: "Hello?"
Mom: "Hi, Geeenah."
G: "Hi, Mom. How are you?"
Mom: "I'm doing reel well; I called to talk to yew about the wedding."
G: "Of course, what's up?"
Mom: "Yew need to come ova on Friday and see da buckets."
G: "Mom, what do we need buckets for?"
Mom: *exaggerated gasp* "All of you need da buckets!!!!"
G: "But.. for what?"
Mom: "Geeeenah."
G: "Mom..."
Mom: "I will take care of da buckets. Yew don't need to worry about dem."
G: "Okay... but can you explain what they are?"
Mom: *heaves an annoyed sigh* "THEY ARE THE BUNCHES OF FLOWERS YOU CARRY!!!"
G: "Bouquets?!!!!"
Mom: "DATS WHAT I SED -- BUCKETS!!!"